


Tabula Rasa

by Kyunesphere



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Love at First Sight, M/M, Memory Loss, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Past Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:02:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29988105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyunesphere/pseuds/Kyunesphere
Summary: Changkyun wakes up with a memory loss and he is apparently dating his crush(?)
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	Tabula Rasa

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!!!  
> How are you?  
> I hope you are all well!!!  
> I won't be around for 2-3 months for irl reasons so I just wanted to say I will finish my other fics after I'm back and I thought how can I say this to readers, people who wait for chapters so I came up with this idea, saying it through a fic lmao
> 
> About the story, I'm sure you'll get the hints but I'll just say it again, it's gonna be sugary and it's gonna be hard in a heartbreaking way so read with caution^^  
> Have fun and please do tell me what you think, your comments boost me up and I need some of them right now eheheh
> 
> Sorry for the grammar errors I'll check them later if there's any  
> HAVE FUN!

A swift pain. Very pressuring one. On his head, travelling around his temples, reaching to the inside of his skull. And it’s getting stronger each passing moment, making Changkyun feel more and more awake. He almost wants to shift back into oblivion he surfaced from. Changkyun lets out a weak sigh. His eyelids feel heavy. He tries to open them, maybe this awful pain in his head will ease somehow if he can just see something, anything but it’s so fucking hard, when it feels like, like there are weights hanging on his eyelashes, pulling them down.

He’s laying on something. A mattress, comfortable but not comfortable at the same time. It’s not his bed, Changkyun gathers.

Muscles, arm muscles, leg muscles. Changkyun feels all of them. Good. He can’t move them much because they feel like they are made out of stone. Not good.

Apart from his not very cooperative body, Changkyun’s mind is foggy. Maybe the headache blends everything in his head into a whirlwind, he’s having very hard time to make sense of what’s going on.

His lips are dry. So dry. Enough for him to feel like someone glued them together.

Changkyun starts to panic. His breathing starts to get quicker with each unsuccessful attempt to move his body parts. He wills his every power with an awful horror sitting on his chest and tries to open his eyes. He feels so relieved when he manages to crack open his eyes a little, welcoming the blinding bright light coming from above. He closes his eyes again with a groan.

“Shit. I think he is waking up.” He hears a someone say. Jooheon. It’s Jooheon. Thank God Jooheon is here.

“Kyunie.” A worried voice calls out hurrily.

Kihyun. Changkyun knows that is Kihyun. Knots in his stomach unties a little.

“Jooheon call the nurse.”

Rapid feet sounds going away. Rapid feet sounds coming back.

Someone leaning over Changkyun, asking if he feels okay asking if he’s hurt in anywhere. Changkyun groans, slowly shaking his head. Someone presses something to his lips, a straw. Changkyun takes a few sips, water feeling cold in his throat.

“What happened?” Changkyun asks, peeling his lips apart and smacking to wet them but it’s pointless when his throat is still dry as a desert.

A hand grabs his, rubbing circles to his skin in a soothing way. Warm. Soft. Keeps the anxiety swelling in Changkyun’s chest in check.

“You had an accident. But you are okay Mr Im.” Someone replies.

Changkyun feels his chest tighter.

“Take it easy Kyun. Don’t panic. I’m here.” Kihyun says with his melodic voice. And it soothes Changkyun. As always.

What accident, he wants to ask while adrenaline is pumping in his blood and wakes him more. Rapidly.

After a few heartbeat, he starts to breathe properly. He tries to blink a few times and he manages to open his eyes fully this time, adjusting to the light.

First thing that strikes Changkyun is mint. Jooheon who leans over his head, face full of worry, has mint colored hair. When did he that happen?

“When…” Changkyun says, swallowing dry. “When did you dye your hair mint?”

Jooheon crosses his eyebrows, throwing a look at his left and Changkyun follows his eyes, seeing Kihyun who is standing next to him, shaking his head slowly. Kihyun looks same, his feathery brown hair looks a bit greasy and messy, other than that it’s normal. His dark circles under his eyes are well, dark. That seems odd. And his clothes, black turtleneck on denims look totally casual.

“Last week.” Jooheon replies, eyes on Changkyun. “You did it. Don’t you remember?” He asks warily.

He doesn’t remember. He tries to, but he doesn’t so Changkyun shakes his head slowly. A very bad move because it feels like the pain in his head, bounce between left and right sides of his skull.

The doctor comes inside, talking with nurse standing next to bed for a while, Changkyun registers. He’s too busy with almost having a heart attack so he barely tunes into what they say when Jooheon and Kihyun move away to let them examine him.

“Mr. Im we’re really glad to see you awake.” The doctor says and points a light-pen towards Changkyun’s face. The one he always sees doctors use in dramas to check people's eyes. Doctor moves the light between his eyes.

“What happened?” Changkyun asks, sounding more weak than he expected.

“Well…” Doctor grasps his hands together. “You fell into Han River.”

“Han River? I fell?” Changkyun asks, surprised. What was he doing at Han River, his dorm isn’t even near it.

“Yeah. There was alcohol in your blood so we assume you were drunk. These things happen, please don’t worry.” Doctor says assuring. Changkyun nods but he totally misses the look exchange between Kihyun and Jooheon.

“What is the last date you remember?” Doctor asks, checking the papers that nurse give him.

Changkyun squints his eyes. “I’m gonna say May… Yeah a few weeks to summer break.”

Jooheon gasps and Changkyun saw enough movies to understand what it means. It’s not May.

Doctor gives back papers to nurse, nodding to Changkyun small. “Seems like you’re having a memory loss but don’t worry Mr. Im. These are all common for someone who went through a shock.”

“What? What day is it?” Changkyun asks, swallowing slowly and breathes out a shaky breath when doctor says, “It’s march Mr. Im. March 10.”

“Oh my god.” Changkyun mumbles. The last thing he remembers is that he was planning to go that year end party at May 24 and now it’s march? He makes a quick math. “Ten months…” He says looking at Jooheon who nods a little to confirm.

Doctor nods, checking his IV and adds something to it. “Yes. It appears to be that you have ten months gap in your memories. But worry not Mr Im, as I said this is a common thing for patients like you.”

“What happened exactly?” Changkyun asks, feeling the throbbing pain in his head throb more.

“Well…” The nurse explains how someone who saw him, took Changkyun to the hospital after he fell to the water. Since it’s march, the weather is still really cold. And water was even colder because it was almost dawn so when he was in it for over a minute without proper oxygen, Changkyun’s brain shut itself to protect him. Until here Changkyun follows but for the rest of the explanation he just nods like he understands when nurse says bunch of technical words to explain what they think, related to his memory loss. His body is okay, it’s just his brain had a sudden malfunction and shut itself. To keep him safe. And because of the sudden disconnection, some memories are disconnected as well. Doctor adds that Changkyun may or may not remember them but he believes Changkyun will eventually get his memories back, he shouldn’t push himself hard. Changkyun nods vaguely to everything they say and watch them go after doing some check-ups and asking some more questions, leaving the trio alone.

Kihyun too, says he should ask something and goes after them.

Changkyun lifts his hand to his head, he gets some more control over his body after shaking that first shock. He rubs his temples, an attempt to ease the pain. Of course it doesn’t work.

“Memory loss? Seriously?” Changkyun groans. “Why did my brain betray me like this?”

“Take it easy Kyun.” Jooheon says with a careful tone which it makes Changkyun to look at him. Jooheon quickly shrugs. “You heard it’s common. You’ll remember eventually.”

“Right.” Changkyun pouts. “I’m glad you’re here hyung.” He says with a smile, Jooheon smiles back at him with a small nod.

“I’m in your emergency contact list for a reason.”

Changkyun smiles again, drops his hand to his lap.“So what don’t I know?” He asks. “What should I know about my life?”

Jooheon pouts, thinking for a moment. “You are in your third year now.”

“I passed the classes?” Changkyun asks, thinking how worried he was about if he can pass them or not. How weird it is that now it’s all in the past.

Jooheon nods. “You did.” He says and lets out a dry chuckle. “Dude, now that I think about it, this whole losing your memory thing may not be that awful. You skipped a year in a blink. I wish I did pass my second year like that too.”

Changkyun offers him a weak smile.

“We didn’t call your parents by the way. We didn’t want to worry them.” Jooheon looks at him for a moment like he is expecting Changkyun to approve what he said so Changkyun nods.

“You did well. They don’t need to fly all the way from Boston. I’m okay.” The younger pauses and shrugs. “Except for the memory loss part of course. But clearly they can’t do about anything so it’s okay.” He sighs. “What else? Any highlights? What did Minhyuk hyung get me as a present? Last year he said he was gonna do something unforgettable.”

“Well uhm…” Jooheon looks away. “No highlights actually. After you confessed to your crush and you guys started to date, things kinda went si—“

“What?” Changkyun says, caught off guard with what Jooheon just said. His eyes open huge with shock and that makes Jooheon stop in mid sentence and throw the younger a look reflecting his shock. “What?” He repeats.

Changkyun blinks his eyes. “What do you mean what? I’m _whating_ you hyung! Just rewind. I confessed to my crush? And we date?”

Jooheon’s eyebrows are pulled together. “I mean—“

“Are you serious?” Changkyun asks in a rush, not allowing him to speak but he wants to learn details. “How did that happen?”

“You—you just went up to him and—“

“ _I_ went up to him?”

“Yeah we were just sitting in the cafeteria as usual and he came in and you went up and talked with him.” Jooheon explains and looks at him. “But Kyun—“

“And how the hell did I do that? I was so fucking nervous even to talk with him but I confessed? And we date? Like still? Now?” Changkyun asks, heart beating at a crazy pace. The machines beep loudly, making Jooheon scared like something is gonna happen. Kihyun who walks back into the room seems alerted with the sounds and he rushes to Changkyun’s side when he sees the lines going wild.

“Hey, Changkyun. What happened? Are you okay?” Kihyun asks, worry dripping from his lips. He presses his hands on Changkyun’s face hastily, like he is trying to understand what’s wrong. But nothing is wrong, in fact everything is perfect. Perfect than Changkyun can ever think of.

Changkyun grabs older one’s hands weakly, his eyes are open wide, “Hyung. Hyung did I confess you?” He asks in a rush, trying to cage his racing heart.

Kihyun looks takenaback, he pauses for a moment as he throws a brief look at Jooheon and his face wears a confused expression when he returns to the younger, “What?”

“What?” Jooheon asks in the same time, confused as well.

Changkyun smiles wide, unable to hide it. He is flying high at the moment so he doesn’t dwell on their reactions. Maybe the meds doctor put in IV kicks in or the euphoria he’s having is taking all over his body. Nevertheless he is so fucking happy when he asks, “Jooheon said I confessed to my crush and we are dating. Did I confess you? Finally? And we date?”

Jooheon’s confused expression gets deeper as he shakes his head. “Changkyun, Changkyun that’s not what I mean—“

“What?” Changkyun’s face falls immediately.

“Yes.” Kihyun nods, hurrily holding Jooheon’s left arm without looking at him. He stops for a second like considering what he said and realizing what he did so he takes his hand back, he nods again. “Yeah you did.”

“Oh my god!” Changkyun let’s out the breath he was holding and takes a breathe in but it really doesn’t help because he feels like his heart is gonna explode soon. “Oh my god I can’t believe that. After two years, I finally asked you out?”

Kihyun darts a look at Jooheon before swallows and nods, slowly.

“And you said yes?”

Kihyun swallows and nods, slowly. Again.

“We are dating… I can’t believe this.” Changkyun says again, more to himself. Smiling stupid. Very stupid. Very smiley.

Jooheon eyes him, fingers tapping on Kihyun’s shoulder hurrily. “Hyung can we talk? Err.. about school? Yeah I… I gotta tell you something. And it’s urgent, I just remembered.” He asks and pulls Kihyun outside of the door without waiting an answer.

An incredible happiness bubbles inside Changkyun, almost enough to blind the pain he feels all over his body. He lets himself sink in pillow further with a stupid smile on his face. He is dating with Kihyun. Kihyun. His long-time crush. Kihyun who he fell for on the first sight. He is dating with Kihyun. It’s unbelievable. It’s like the sun rising from the west and setting on the east. And _apparently_ Changkyun asked him out? He was too hesitant event to make eye contact, thinking his eyes will betray him and show how much he cared for the elder but he seriously asked him out? It’s truly something close to impossible for Changkyun because for him Kihyun always seemed too unreachable. Handsome, talented, funny, smart, charming. He was everything and compared to him, Changkyun is just well… Changkyun. Someone Kihyun had to be friends with because they have the same friend circle. That’s what Changkyun was to Kihyun. But now… now he is more than that.

And Changkyun is so happy. He feels down for a moment when he thinks he doesn’t remember all that precious memories they made together but honestly the joy he feels kinda shadows it. It’s okay, he will remember everything anyway.

His happiness halts when he hears Jooheon and Kihyun’s voices raising and it only takes a moment so he can’t distinguish what they say. They come back inside after a few seconds, Kihyun trailing behind Jooheon who seems a little upset.

“What’s wrong?” Changkyun asks, looking at his friends who pull chairs to sit.

“Nothing.” Kihyun gives him an assuring smile and Jooheon nods firmly after looking at him.

“I heard you were arguing so clearly something is wrong.” Changkyun insists, not buying it.

Kihyun looks at Jooheon before he says, “The doctor said that they will keep you here for 2 days more and then you are free to go. We were just talking about who you should stay with.”

“Stay with? What do yo mean?” Changkyun asks.

“You’ll be discharged from the hospital but you will need to take a rest for a while. And with your condition, it’s better if you stay away from the city for a few weeks. You know, get some fresh air.” Jooheon replies.

“I’m good with anything but how about school? Damn I really can’t remember.” Changkyun frowns. How is he gonna deal with third year classes when he barely remembers first year?

“We are in exam break for three weeks. It’s okay, don’t worry.” Jooheon replies, giving him a brief smile.

“Oh okay.” Changkyun nods but panics. “Oh not okay! Exams! Did I pass them? Don’t tell me that I gotta retake…”

“You did pass.” Kihyun says, pulling his chair to sit closer to Changkyun.

“Okay, good.” The younger lets out a sigh of relief.

“Barely though.” Jooheon mumbles, clearly thinking Changkyun won't hear him but he does. 

“What?” Changkyun sits up a little, panicked. “How? I mean… I always study even when I sleep. My whole life is build around having good grades. What do you mean _barely_?”

Kihyun glares at Jooheon, then turns his eyes to Changkyun with a much more softer look. “You weren’t well for the last a few weeks. It… Um... Classes and projects, it was very hard. It happens to everyone don’t worry.”

“But how…” Changkyun pouts, eyes cast down sadly.

Jooheon sighs. “Because-“

“Don’t worry about it okay? You are fine. That’s all that matters.” Kihyun says, grabbing Changkyun’s hand with a smile. His touch alone makes Changkyun melt on the mattress but when Kihyun squeezes it softly, he is sure he melt twice.

“Really?” Changkyun asks, feel the blush creeping on his cheek.

“Yes you are okay. I will take care of you now.” Kihyun says with a nod, adored with a cute smile.

Kihyun does what he says and he literally glues himself to the younger until he discharges. Changkyun doesn’t know how to act around him now that he knows they’re dating. He should probably be acting like a boyfriend but it’s fairly a new idea to Changkyun so he stays mostly silent, trying to not turn into a strawberry whenever their eyes meet and chooses to chat with Jooheon who also stay with him. 

2 days under control pass slow with tests and examinations. Doctor says they checked everything all over again but seems like there’s no permanent damage in his brain so his memories will come back eventually. Changkyun is so done with hospital in the end but with his friends it’s not that unbearable. Still he feels slightly guilty for causing his friends-no friend and boyfriend to babysit him.

“Don’t worry Changkyun. My parents are visiting my brother, there’s no other place I can go at the moment. Besides I’m fine here with you, stop telling me to go.” Kihyun says for the nth time while adjusting Changkyun’s pillow. Changkyun can do that by himself but he lets Kihyun spoil him a little. He enjoys it so much. The only thing he doesn't enjoy is Jooheon and Kihyun not replying his questions about the accident. He asks but gets unsatisfying replies in return like, _'It was just an_ _accident', 'Don't think about it too much', 'you will remember anyway', ' I don't know but next time I won't allow you drink'_ So eventually when he understands he won't get a clear answer because seems like they don't know about it too, he drops the topic. Like the doctors say, he will remember anyway.

When he discharges he learns Jooheon and Kihyun already agreed for Kihyun to take Changkyun to his hometown, Goyang. Changkyun says it’s okay, he can stay at the dorm but Kihyun doesn’t accept that, saying he should heal fully and it’s best if they just get away from everything. Changkyun doesn’t ask why nor he insists. To be honest, he is happy being with Kihyun. As long as he is with the elder, he is sure everything is gonna be okay. His only problem is well.. memory loss. Obviously. But it's gonna be okay.

After Changkyun checks out, Kihyun drives them to his parents’ house. Changkyun was there before when Kihyun invited their friend group last summer. It’s a very nice house with two floors. Kinda old but well looking. There are three bedrooms, Kihyun’s, his parents and his brother’s. Changkyun gets the last one. They arrive a little late so Kihyun offers to make a light sandwich while Changkyun says he’d like to wash off the hospital stench off of his skin. Kihyun gives him fresh towels and Changkyun grabs his stuff to wear.

He leans back to the door with a stupid smile on his face after Kihyun smiles at him, telling he can take all the time he needs before he closes the door.

Changkyun takes off his clothes, feeling too tired like someone did beat him up. When he takes off his underwear maybe because he changed his hospital gown in a hurry, he sees something he didn't realize before. There are some stuff on his body. Like there’s a fading but still visible yellow-ish bruise on his left hipbone. Changkyun brushes his hand over it, confused. Perhaps he bumped it to somewhere but it’s such a weird place to bump. Maybe it happened when he fell to the river? Nope, that doesn’t seem likely. So what can be the reason Changkyun wonders. Then he notices some white lines in his inner thighs and his confusion increases. He has no idea what they are. Changkyun touches them trying to make meaning of it, they don’t hurt much but they bring a memory that flashes right in front of eyes.

_“Harder.” Changkyun commands, hands pullin a head towards his chest. Sloppy kisses pressed on his neck, collerbones and he feels hands tightly holding his waist, fingers dig in his skin, his lungs burns with sharp ginger scent._

Changkyun shakes his eyes as his vision gets clear from blurry, he leans to the wall with heavy breathing. He feels a throb in his temples, his heart pumps way too much blood. That was a memory, Changkyun thinks. He remembered something? And what the hell was that? He didn’t sound like himself. What? _Harder_? What the hell??? Changkyun opens the water, _cold_ and gets under it to calm his warmed skin. It hits him. He slept with someone? He slept with someone. He is dating with Kihyun.. So it must be them right? Did they do it? He did… With Kihyun? Did… Did Changkyun sleep with Kihyun?

Really?

Oh fucking Jesus.

Not in a million years, Changkyun would think he'd be in that kind of position with Kihyun. It's unbelievable.

Changkyun sighs, rubbing cold water with his hands on his face over and over again until he feels considerably better.

“Kyun-ah are you coming out soon? I’ve made tuna sandwiches.” Kihyun calls out from outside the door.

Changkyun freezes for a moment before he replies with a squeaking voice, “I’ll be out in five.”

He takes a quick shower and gets dressed in a hurry, going out to meet with Kihyun in the living room.

Changkyun throws him a nervous smile as he sits next to him, still haunted by the passing memory in his mind. Kihyun doesn’t seem like he notices as he gives a piece to Changkyun along with a cup of warm milk. Changkyun notices his brown hair is wet too so he must have took a shower as well. His face flares up when he thinks about it so he quickly flashes another smile to the elder in order to hide it.

“Thank you uh… for making this.” He says and takes a bite to silence his grumbling stomach. It’s delicious. There’s only tuna, cheese and bread but how does it taste so delicious? Because Kihyun made it? Probably because he made it.

“It’s okay.” Kihyun shakes his head, reaching for his sandwich.

Changkyun takes another bite. “Thank you for taking care of me. I mean I know that you’re my… _boyfriend_...” God, saying that word out loud still sounds foreign to him. “...but you don’t need to just do all of this like taking me here and making this sandwich…”

“Changkyun.” Kihyun says and shakes his head again. “I’m… I’m okay believe me. I just want you to be okay.”

Changkyun knows his smile is very obvious and to be honest he doesn’t wanna hide it. “I’m okay when I’m with you.” He replies, knowing he sounds very cheesy but to hell with it, if he can see Kihyun blush cutely like this.

They don’t say anything after that and quietly eat their sandwiches, drinking their milks. Changkyun can see Kihyun is already too sleepy while chewing and he himself too feels very exhausted so they just go to bed afterwards. Changkyun lies down in clean blue sheets, turning to his right and turning to his left. He feels his every bone is simply aching to sleep but his mind is awake like a sunflower in the morning. Sandman seems to be wandering in other places because Changkyun doesn’t feel like sleeping at all. He doesn’t have his phone, boys said it’s probably in the river so he can’t listen some music to lull himself. He opts for counting sheeps until he can’t count but still, he can’t just fall asleep. Maybe it’s because he knows Kihyun is sleeping at the other side of the wall. Well, Changkyun and Kihyun shared the same space before a lot of times because Jooheon and him often crash to Hyungwon’s flat who happens to be Kihyun’s roommate. But this time it’s different. This time they are not like friend-friend. This time they’re boyfriend-boyfriend. Changkyun’s boyfriend is behind that wall. His boyfriend whom they clearly did some stuff, by his memory. Thinking about that, makes Changkyun feel giddy inside. He sits up straight after a while hugging to his pillow, eyes boring to the wall like if he tries hard enough, he can open a hole and see Kihyun’s pretty face. He really wants to go snuggle with Kihyun, feel the warmness radiating from his body. The idea becomes vivid in front of his eyes clear as a day, Changkyun presses his pillow on his face, screaming into it as quiet as possible. His cheeks are flaring up, he’s not very sure not to faint if he goes to next room yet still he wants to do it. Kihyun may be already sleeping… but what if he is not? Changkyun wants to see his face, he feels like he is not gonna be able to fall asleep if he doesn’t do that.

So he gets up from his bed slowly, not trying to make a sound. Toes touch on the cold floor, he skips to Kihyun’s half open door, examining the light coming through. Seems like Kihyun is not sleeping too. Changkyun leans in and takes a brief glance. Kihyun in his blue pajamas, with his grandpa glasses on his handsome face, reads some notes. Probably reviewing his upcoming classes in the next semester. Changkyun feels guilty for making Kihyun deal with himself instead of worrying about university. Still, the urge to snuggle with Kihyun is too pushing so he grabs his pillow more and knocks the door lightly. Kihyun looks up, face go stern before his look gets soft.

“Hey Kyun.” He says and checks his phone. “It’s almost 3am. Couldn’t catch a sleep?”

Changkyun steps inside a little, presses his pillow on his chest and tries not to die from too much heart beating.

“Yeah, I... uh… I couldn’t sleep. So I thought _‘hey I have the fluffiest boyfriend on the earth, why don’t I go and fluff with him?’_ ” Changkyun says with a shy smile, ignoring his burning ears.

Kihyun looks at him, his expression doesn’t give away anything so Changkyun fights a small internal battle for a while.

“But of course it’s totally okay for me to sleep alone. I mean I do that all the time so—“

“No.” Kihyun lets out a breath and he scrambles his notes on his bed to put them aside along with his grandpa glasses. “Well uh… Of course we can share this bed.” He offers a small smile. “Come here.” He says and opens the navy blanket for Changkyun to come in.

Changkyun closes the light and takes the steps from door to bed in a heartbeat. He puts his pillow next to Kihyun’s but he doesn’t lay his head on it. The bed is not that big and they have to press closer to each other not to fall. Kihyun wraps his arms around Changkyun and Changkyun presses his face to Kihyun’s neck, feeling like flying when Kihyun’s scent fills his lungs. He smells soap, fresh. Like Kihyun. Divine. Changkyun too, wraps his arms around Kihyun’s torso. He feels awkward while doing so but since they’re dating this must be natural to them. Too natural maybe, if he judges by how Kihyun holds him. They did sleep in the same area a lot of times before. Still, it feels somehow different, maybe because now the dynamics of their relationship is different.

“Your feet are freezing.” Kihyun says, throwing his leg over Changkyun to bring him closer. His gesture makes Changkyun giggle. Kihyun retreats a little to look at the younger’s face. “What?” He asks.

Changkyun shakes his head and Kihyun asking again with a smile, “What?”

Kihyun’s smile sets fire to the blood pounding in Changkyun’s veins. There’s something tender floating between them that hadn’t been there before, Changkyun can feel it. Changkyun doesn’t trust his voice so he shakes his head again, choosing to hide his face in Kihyun’s neck, smelling his scent more.

It’s enchanting. Being with Kihyun like this. Pressed to him, enveloped in his warmness, feeling the affection vibrating from him. It’s just everything. He wishes to remember, he wants to remember the memories they shared together. Changkyun is been acting cool about it because he was too engrossed with his new information about himself and Kihyun and trying not to think about it much but he wants to remember.

“I wonder when will I remember.” Changkyun mutters after a while, enough to think Kihyun already fall asleep. But clearly he is not because he hums, his chest vibrates with his questioning.

“Remember what?”

Changkyun pouts a little. “Everything. Us. Just everything.” He says. “Like I still can’t believe I asked you out. I thought you’d be my one-sided crush until forever.” He smiles to himself.

“Why?” Kihyun asks in small. Something in his voice makes Changkyun look up to him.

“I don’t know.” He replies simply. “I guess I didn’t consider myself good enough for you.”

"That doesn't make sense." Kihyun shakes his head immediately. “You were Changkyun.” He says.

Changkyun looks in his eyes, his pretty face. “Considering the fact that we are dating, I guess I was a bit wrong.”

Kihyun looks at him for a moment, doesn’t comment on it. Instead he asks, “When did you start liking me?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” Changkyun asks with a surprised face. Kihyun shakes his head, expecting him to reply.

Changkyun pouts small, chewing inside his cheek while trying to not sound too smitten. “The moment I saw you.” He replies because he is too smitten. He can’t hide that.

Kihyun’s eyebrows almost hit his hairline like he just heard a big revelation. He looks so surprised when he asks, “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

Changkyun shrugs a little. “As I said, I didn’t see a possibility for us.” He replies, looking at the brown haired. “Actually I thought about confessing once.”

“When?”

“Hoshi’s birthday party a few weeks later. Well it’s past now so back I think I can say last July.” Changkyun replies, seeing Kihyun’s eyes filled with thoughts. “To be honest if I knew things were gonna turn out like this, I’d confess sooner.” He says a little playfully but gets embarrassed immediately.

“Can I sleep please? Or else I’m gonna die out of embarrassment.” He says, pressing his face to the other’s chest in a weak attempt.

Kihyun doesn’t reply, he just holds him a little tighter and Changkyun takes it as an answer, feeling somehow relaxed. Safe.

“Changkyun.” Kihyun says when he’s about to slip into sleep. He doesn’t know if Kihyun knows Changkyun is hearing him but he doesn’t interrupt the other one either when he says, “Don’t worry about your memories. You don’t need them. I’m here.”

 _Thankfully_ , is the word Changkyun thinks before he lets himself sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think!!!  
> Let me know~~  
> and always stay safe  
> see you later <3


End file.
